so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
