I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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