Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
