WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
