So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
