That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
