i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
