What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He felt like a one man threesome
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
