Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
