also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
