I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
