...so i touched it.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
