I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
