the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize