dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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