Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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