some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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