I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize