Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
