Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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