Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
