i love accidental penises.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
