Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
