I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
