it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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