Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
bring money and cleavage
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
