The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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