I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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