he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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