Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
