No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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