my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
