Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
