let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
