It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
