he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
