Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You work out of a Hotel?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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