oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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