I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
