It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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