youre lurking in front of me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
