today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
