I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
