dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
