Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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