i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
