Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
