ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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