also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
