so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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