Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize