I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
