Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
