I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
