roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
