shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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