Will you blow on my dice?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
