my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
