considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
