and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
