I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
