I wish my penis had an off switch
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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