there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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