I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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