I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk is not a location!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
