Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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